Gutenachtgeschichten

Puh. Kam heute recht spät vom Job, schnell gekocht und gegessen und dann noch etwas Papierkram erledigt. Jetzt ist es gleich 22:00 und ich habe die Antwort von C gerade nochmal in Ruhe gelesen (hab sie heute Mittag nur überflogen). Viel mehr Erkenntnis hat mir das aber auch nicht gebracht. Ausser dass Frauen nicht nur gerne viel sprechen sondern anscheinend auch gerne viel schreiben. Sie hat ihren Roman vom Letzten Mal noch getoppt und ich hab kurz überlegt, ob es wirklich Sinn macht, die komplette Mail hier noch mal wiederzugeben, fand aber selbst die kleinen Geschichten, die nicht wirklich was mit mir oder einem Wiedersehen zu tun haben so spannend, dass ich mich entschieden habe ihre Mail nur an einer Stelle ein bisschen zu kürzen. Sie plaudert vor allem recht offen über ihre Perspektive als Frau auf das Flirtverhalten und die Verführungsversuche von Männern. Sollten ihre E-Mails allerdings in dem gleichen Maße weiterhin exponentiell an Länge zulegen wird das wohl ihre letzte Mail in meinem Tagebuch sein, da es sonst in absehbarer Zeit zu ihrem Tagebuch werden würde.

So, lange Rede, heute Morgen um 11:00 kam also Folgendes in meinem Posteingang an:

Elia,

I understand that you are working I don't expect you to answer the emails right away! I have internet every now and then so it took me long to write you back, besides I had to go somewhere interesting to be able to tell you something!

My mother told me to go to London. It would be good for my english, so good haha. But I don't know what to do there, and I wanted to know this part of central europe. I looked at some photos of Nürnberg, it's amazing, the buildings seemed really nice! And my friend recomended me Salzburg, so I think I will go in that direction.. so I can have a chance to practice my german, today I have a class and then I can go. The thing about Berlin is that I didn't like it. The best things about Berlin were the Ishtar gate and meeting you!! Although the grey and rainy city, and the cold weather don't tempt me at all the other part of you invitation sounds fine. But this is maybe the last time to travel before I go back, I don't want to repeat places, there's too much I don't know yet!!

I think I told you I was staying here untill february, because I was collecting papers to apply to a residence permit. But besides I had trouble with a couple of them, also I couldn't pospone the plane tikets I have already bought.. So it was complicated to do it. I'm going back on 28th november and then on 16th december we have a trip to Italy with my mother and father, so I am back in europe till january. While I am in Argentina I will apply for a visa, the embassador here told me it's easier to apply from Argentina, before going to Hungary. So maybe if they give it to me then I can stay untill february or 15th march. Then I think I will go back to Berlin so we can see each other.

I hate english it's always I, I, I, I can't talk without saying I all the time. It's so egocentric, 'm not like that in spanish!

So, I am still deciding, I thing I will go Praga one or two days, then Nürnberg one or two days, then Salzburg and I'll stay there a few days.

...

(längere Geschichte über München)

...

About the turkish guys, some were actually good looking and funny, but, it's strange to go out with someone you met on the street, there were a lot of turists, maybe you think they ask everyone, and I am the only idiot that says yes, I don't know... So I didn't take any invitation. My hotel had also a tour agency, so I did the Bosphorus boat trip wich was incredible by the way, to be there in the spot you always saw in the maps, the Bosphorus, amazing. Anyway, the guy that worked there knew the hotel I was staying was the same company as the tour agency. And he said if I was alone if I wanted to go to dinner, just to talk, that he always likes to know people, etc.. I thought ok, from the people that invited me today, I know where he works, and they own my hotel, so, he will be serious. He said, I like talking to new people, giving the impression it's not a romantic thing. So I said yes, and we went to dinner. I still regret it, the guy was crazy. He started touching my hand all the time and wouldn't let go, I told him, I don't like people touching me. He thought I was playing hard to get, so he got more interested. I really wanted him lo leave me alone. But I didn't know if I should run away or something, because it wasn't like dangerous, but he was always trying to touch me more and I was constantly stopping him. He then said he wanted to know me, because the minute I entered the tour agency he fell in love, etc.. Fuck, I always go into the trap. Guys are so complicated, they always ask you out in a way it's a friendly thing, so if you say no you are an egocentric bitch, because you are so full of yourself that you asume they are automaticly into you. And then when you go out they act like it's obvious it's a romantic thing, and poor guy he invited you and you don't even hug him or kiss him, what a bitch... I always fell for that, in Argentina I don't anymore, I just say no when I am not interested in the guy and that's all... I thought maybe here it was different, but I see now it's a world thing.. So I was all night stopping him to touch me more, like he starts with the hand, then touches the leg, oh I am just resting my hand, yeah, right. Then he like hugged me and he was strong, so I was like, ok let me go already. Finnally the fucking dinner ended and I went to the hotel cursing all guys forever. So, a bad experience, the worst was that the following days he was outside the shop and in a corner I had to pass every day. The next day he started shouting across the street what he remembered of my name, I just kept walking.. then I bought a pashmina and put it over my head and the following days he didn't recognize me.

I had really bad luck, he was a mix between a crazy and manipulative person. Two things I hate in guys, and the minute I suspect a guy has some of those I cut off any kind of relationship I have with him.

So, it's not easy to be a woman, I hate it. You think yeah, but guys ask you out, it's so easy.. But it's not free, they are not interested in talking to you, or meeting new interesting people, they only want to get laid or get married. I hate that I always wished I was a guy, and after that experience, more than ever..

I don't know what to tell you, of course I didn't tell anyone about that crazy guy, it's embarrasing for me, and what's the point, there's nothing to do about it, only learn for not falling in the future..

Ah, the lame pick up line was something like, "I never saw anyone so beautiful in my life.." and to the next girl I saw he was doing the same gestures with the hands and face so I knew it was the same line. Poor guy it was 4 am I think he was doing that all night, he was to drunk he realized it didn't work..

So, that's all I guess. I bombed you another huge email so there you go, enjoy hahaha

Don't expect you to answer right away, I will tell you when I know where I went I think I'll do praga and bavaria salzburg thing I told you before

Byeee!! See youu!!!

C

Tja, und was soll mir das nun bitte sagen? Also meine Interpretation ist im Grunde ernüchternd, weil die Gleiche Einschätzung, die ich bei unserem letzten Treffen schon hatte: Ich glaube sie findet mich interessant, ist sich aber selbst nicht sicher ob sie mich gerne in ihrer Friend Zone, ihrem Orbiter, ihrem politischen Debattierclub oder im Bett hätte. Ich glaube sie ist generell extrem verunsichert, wenn es um Männer geht. Ich denke mit endlos viel Anstrengung, massenhaft Invest und ein bis zwei Ordnern voll E-Mails wäre es möglich das Mädel rumzukriegen und sie (da ich nicht an einer LTR interessiert wäre) danach noch verkorkster und verunsicherter in die Welt zu entlassen.

Was wäre also mein Schluss daraus?

Zum einen kann ich mir einfach nicht vorstellen, dass sie im Bett eine solche Granate ist, dass sich der Mega-Aufwand lohnen würde um sie dort hin zu bekommen und zum anderen finde ich sie menschlich eigentlich so sympathisch, dass ich nicht weiß, ob ich unbedingt in ihrem Leben in den gleichen Ordner wie der verrückte türkische Junge, nämlich unter „Schlechte Erfahrungen mit Kerlen“, gepackt werden will.

Auf der anderen Seite frage ich mich, ob das vielleicht auch nur eine Ausrede meines alten Denkmusters ist und ich mir einbilde, mir im Mutter-Teresa-Style IHREN Kopf über IHRE Erfahrungen zerbrechen zu müssen um mir selbst das als Grund vorzuhalten nicht zu versuchen sie zu verführen.

Und dann gibt es noch den Teil in mir, der wie bei unserem letzten Date, jetzt schon wieder langsam müde und faul wird, weil sie einfach nicht sexy genug auf mich wirkt um mich wach zu halten, dafür aber kompliziert genug um mich abzuschrecken. Und der sich daher ohne großen Erfolgsdruck zurücklehnt und sich sagt: Wenn sie den Move macht, würde ich nicht Nein sagen, aber ich werde ihr auf keinen Fall ein Einladungs-Gedicht schreiben.

Tja, und müde bin ich jetzt auch wirklich. Es war ein langer, harter Tag und mit einer Antwort kann ich auch noch bis Morgen Abend warten.

Vielleicht weiß ich bis dahin ja auch welche ich ihr geben soll.

Elia